| What if? |
[24 Jun 2009|10:05pm] |
|
if we are the Ross and Rachel of my life? Oh goodness, i shouldnt watch friends when i get all sad and down.
|
|
|
[07 Jun 2009|09:31am] |
|
Yup, still love you. Possibly more than i did when i decided i loved you.
|
|
|
[03 Apr 2009|11:32am] |
|
I love you.
|
|
|
[23 Feb 2009|08:10pm] |
|
I have been to the cinema alot recently. I really like the cinema. I get excited when it gets dark and i always write down what trailers impress me and what dont. I always have a kids combo deal and leave my chocolate for my brothers, give my popcorn away and have a diet coke. Its cheaper that way and i only ever want a really little one. I like it when its dark and everyone laughs at the same time and i like it even more when i cry in the cinema because i can really cry and no one can see and if they do i blame it all on the movie. I just really really like the cinema.
|
|
| Ghana! |
[12 Jan 2009|10:18am] |
|
So, my parents live and work in Ghana as of September 2008. We came over to visit on the 2nd of Januray 2009 and we leave tomorrow. Its beautiful here, the Ghanians are kind and caring people and the whole experiance has been nothing but humbling. When we got here the heat was like a fusty horrible wall, like you had walked into an over, although it was 9 at night. Im used to the heat now, its hot ALL the time here, never below 35 and rarely below 39. I could live here, my dad offered to get me a job but the stability of his work due to a change in president over is undetermained so im going home to Graduate first then if my parents still live and work here and not somewhere daft like Dubai, ill move here. I have met a few other expats who have lived here for a long time, they are kind and friendly people. I have met children who live here but board in Australian school's. Ive also met local ghanians and a kenyan. There life experiences and their stories are amazing. Irene, who is Bo'Jay's wife and is 8 months pregnant will work until she goes into labour and then just a month after having her son she will return to work leaving her mother with her son. Where my parents live in Ghana is literally next door to the president so it is a very safe place and clean but all other places in Ghana have no running water, no sanitation and no toilets unless they are very very rich which is a rare thing. The traffic here is horrific, there is no system other then " Go straight, at the circle turn and then go straight". Roundabouts are called circles, this made me laugh. I havent eaten any Ghanian food other than plantain which is lovely because the only place Ghanian food can be purchased for a reasonable is the side of the road and Heidi who is a Grimberian/Ghanian suggested that maybe we shouldnt eat off the side of the road unless we wanted to spend our trip in the dr's. I havent seen alot of poverty but i kknow this is because my parents live in Accra which is the capital city. I have seen a few begger children but was warned not to give them money because they are theifs and work for an Indian man, there was a blind man who walked through the trafiic with his son but the driver, John had told us not to give him money because if he was really ill, his son who was healthy and strong would actually be out working like the rest of the Ghanian people. Alot of the things i have seen when driving through towns or walking arounf Accra is very upsetting and i think i would have given them all my money if i could have done. Ghanian money is Ghanian Cedi's and one Cedi is worth 50p roughly. Me and Kara bought a necklace from a street vender for 1.5 cedi's, 75p. When we got back to the beachhouse we were told off by my parents, some aussies, and another UK expat for being ripped off. We thought it was the best bargain we ever had and i think the worse thing here has to watching people argue about 2 cedi's when its only a £1 and probably a £1 that person doesnt even need in comparison to the Ghanian's but thats how they do it over here. Ive developed a secret method of paying in 10 cedi's and then buying stuff worth 8 or 9 cedi's and then instead of taking the change, i acidently forget about it. It doesnt sound like alot but 1 cedi is alot of money to these people especially for them to be given it by a white women. Ive really liked it here and of course i will be back and things wont faze or amaze me but coming from Grimsby and only ever going on Holiday to lovely tourist destinations this holiday has been a massoive eye opener. I think thats all for now and if you read it all then Ta! It was mainly for my own benefit. Hmmm, ill be off now. We are going to the Mall to buy clothes to bring home. Adios xxx
|
|
|
[01 Dec 2008|01:19pm] |
|
So im not dropping out. Instead i have 2 essays, 2 presentations and 2 exams to do before december the 20th. Oh the joys of wanting to better my self. My feet are always cold nowdays! I need some socks!
|
|
|
[24 Nov 2008|11:04pm] |
|
I am just recalling back to when i was poorly just after my mum and dad left and how good the human body is. Looking back, the pain i was in was awful, i was hallcinating i could swallow, i couldnt move for 2 days and so on but although my body remembers it it doesnt actually remember the pain. Maybe im thinking too much into this but i think thats amazing and probably like when women give birth and what not because if your body remembered the pain in like an actual way it wouldnt let you give birth again would it. I know im making sense in my head but rambling out loud! Never mind! Good night!!
|
|
| The fabulous lady - A fairy godmother? |
[21 Nov 2008|06:52pm] |
|
Tragically a lady died on the train tracks on Wednesday so the rail service had to put on a taxi for us to Lincoln. In my taxi was a fabulous lady. Below are her words of advise to me :
Earn money by any means, see the world, meet men but get rid unless they are rich, never buy a pet they are only a reason to stay in one place too long. Never settle.
She was 50, had no end of boyfriends and she was happy. In her own words she was fabulous.
|
|
|
[15 Nov 2008|12:04pm] |
|
Things have all gone wrong recently. My brother was jumped and mugged which resulted in changing door locks and other stressful things. The dr put me on some funny tablets to make me happier, they made me hungrier and have migraines. They also made my driving bad, in one night i pulled out in front of a lorry, drove through4 red lights, almost killed a lady crossing a road because i wasnt concentrating and i totally forgot i have to give way to right on round abouts and almost killed my self a good 3 times. Needless to say, i dont take the tablets any more and my Dr is giving me some new ones on Monday. Univeristy is rubbish, i dont like it, i dont like not having money and i dont like the people on my course. I dont like alot of things really. I am the most angry at everyone i have ever been. I keep shouting at people for no reason. In good news, My friend Debbies from Yates is back on my scene now. I really really like her, she is normal and her boyfriend Marc is nice and they ahve 3 children. I like going to their house, its nice. I like normal people with normal lives. Hmmmm, i dont know. I cleaned the house this morning and hoovereed up. Now im going to shower, eat some weetabix and go give a laptop away cos i am dead nice. Adios, stay safe and smiling. xxxxx
|
|
| Just a little bit of my life... |
[28 Oct 2008|09:06pm] |
Yesterday i was unable to successfully buy 2 goldfish! Kev got me them in then end. They go by the names of bigfish little fish, dexter and alfie, loll and lee as well as jameroqui waffle!!
I am waiting now for a letter for my breast reduction. It is not something i have thrown my self into 1/2 heartedly. I have done my research, i have seen the counsellors, i have lost the weight and now im waiting. I will be unable to breast feed if i get pregnant and there is strong chance they will just grow back but these are risks i am willing to take. I am on a diet of veg and fruit and stuff off my own back to build my immune system. Ive taken up sit ups and sparrning with my brother to increase my health. I dont drink 1/2 as much as i used too and i drink alot of water. I am very excited.
What else is new? Not alot really. There are a few boys in my life but im not really bothered by them, i have bigger fish to fry. Im really struggling with my univeristy course but i will get there in the end. I am so excited to grow up as daft as that sounds.
Recently i have been struggling with my self esteem and confidence, all of a sudden i started finding it hard to walk into rooms alone and to be around new people. I think this something i just have to tackle head on. I have a job interview tomorrow and i so scared about actually getting the job and having to make new friends but i am going to do it. I am going out to party in Lincoln in 2 weekends time, im so excited to see my Girlies, they make me feel so much better about my self.
I have lost alot of weight recebntly, not even through trying, about 2 stone now. You can see my collar bones and everything, i have a good 3 stone more to loose to be 'normal' but im not too bothered about that. Another stone and 1/2 and ill be happy, although im starting to like what i see in the mirror now, it has gone on my face and stomach and thighs mainly! I think my whole frame just looks a lot smaller. I dont know. I think thats all for now but ill be back no doubt! Keep safe and smilng!
|
|
| Today |
[06 Oct 2008|04:45pm] |
|
i am very sad. I dont know why, i honestly dont. I cant stop crying. Well i can stop but it justs keeps starting again. Being a female is rubbish.
|
|
| Hmmmm nom nom nom |
[26 Sep 2008|10:41am] |
|
Im supposed to be at uni today but i feel poorly. I went yesterday and i drove, i drove there and i drove back! I am so proud of my self. I just need to shake this dam illness and ill be fine. So since mum and dad leaving i have lost 12 pounds in weight and have a new energy. Its sort of like a maternal energy i think. I get up, i clean the house from the boys mess last night. Wash the pots stick some washing on, check my emails, open and scan the post wake up the boys do my thing cook the tea, do the pots. Counsel them, ask them about their days and clean the bathroom. I also visit my auntie every day on the willows, most days dependent on weather i walk there and back just to get some thinking time in. Then i get mothered by my auntie and feel happy again. I loving it really. I thought it would get me down but i have learnt my brothers are such nice and caring people and my so are my family. I speak to my mum everyday anyway and my dad a few times a week so its a bit like nothing has changed other than occasionally me and the boys argue about time to come home or girls staying over. Anyway, im off for a cup of tea. xxx
|
|
|
[10 Sep 2008|09:26pm] |
I am offcially poorly. I went to see the Dr yesterday and he says i have quinzys on my tonsils and glandula fever. I went into the dr's yesterday and after crying on an old man i got in. The dr said "Ami Ami Ami, what can i do for you today? More contraceptive pills?" and bless him when he looked up he got a very husky snotty and crying me weeping "Im in pain, please stop it" After a good 15 minutes of tears and hugs and hand holding i manged to tell him whats been going on with my body and he diagnosed quinzys and le fever. A nurse came down and took me upstairs to get started but i cried more about the pain so i was given 3 injections, one anti sickness because the posion or something from my throat was going into my belly and making me sick and 2 for god knows what IN MY BUM. I was then given a perscription and told to come back in a few days when the tears and pain wasnt as bad for blood tests and iron counts and urine samples. Then i went to get my meds and the women is like " You know if you walk into town you can get these asprin for £3 cheaper" i politely replied " Its ok, ill pay the £7.50, i need them now" to which i get " but if you go into town" to which i said " the way i feel, i cant walk to town it has taken me all my strength to get her" to which she mumbles " dont say i didnt tell you!" WHAT THE FUCK? I AM FULLY AWARE I CAN GET THESE DRUGS FOR CHEAPER ON TOWN BUT I CANT BREATHE, I CANT SWALLOW, I AM HOT AND I AM COLD, I AM DIZZY. I HAVE JUST HAD 3 MASSIVE FUCKING NEEDLES RAMMED IN MY ARSE AND EVERYTHING HURTS. GIVE ME MY FUCKING ASPRIN NOW.
Unfortuantly, i cant speak so i couldnt shout, just smile politely as she said to the man in the back " This lady, still wants to pay for these, stupid i know?". Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Anyway, i got taling to maddy from college today and she has had le fever and she says its contagious for 90 days and makes your body do weird things. I am hoping this wont be the case with me. Danny my bro had it early this year and he was just like i am, sickness, fatige, hot cold dizzy and so on. Im hoping it has been caught in time. Sleeping is so hard, i wake up in pain because of my quinzys. Im popping 5 different drugs so every hours i have to wake up and ram more massive tablets in me. I cant drink tea. Sob. Im drinking cola which has been very kindly by danny been bought, shook up for ages pured in a jug and left to go flat. Water through a straw. I cant eat much, ice cream but it makes me siclk. I manged some bread mushed with water today. Tomorrow im going to have to try soup. Anyway im ranting but what im saying is, i feel like shit. My folks have gone and im supposed to be acting as mum when all im doing is crying alot, snotting alot, sicking alot and demanding a constant stream of flat cola, calipo's only orange, tissues and water through a straw. Danny is being very good about it. Adam keeps asking for food and clean socks and all i can think is " ADAM I AM ILL PLEASE GO AWAY" but im trying. Anyway ramble and rant over.
|
|
| Bitter sweet |
[05 Sep 2008|11:08pm] |
|
Today feel's so bittersweet. I dont know. I went out for a few drinks with my mum and aunties and it was such a happy time but at the same time it was a sad sad time. My mum as she got drunker got sadder and sadder and she kept hugging me and just holding my hand, i stayed sober. It was so sad. My auntie Chris was talking about her ex John as well and i could see in her eye's she still cared for him, maybe loves him. He has re married and she is still single, she is beautiful, fabulous and funny but chooses to remain single. That made me sooo sad. I just wish i know how i felt. I havent been sad about this whole Africa and now 1 day before i'm feeling sad. Im also really sad about growing old and i dont know. I cant sleep. I'm sat here on a friday evening drunk and a little bit sad. I dont know, i think that is it really.
|
|
| Tired |
[26 Aug 2008|02:00pm] |
|
Im so tired, whine whine whine. I have been to lincoln today to get all my belongings and now mum and dads date has been moved back another week im supposed to magic my stuff away and out of their sight. Im fed up of this whole fucking move to Africa now, i love them dearly but i wish they would just go. Me and my brothers have done nothing and we are being shouted at and blamed left right and centre yet as soon as any one else comes round we are expected to be all fucking smiles. Erm no. The house is upside down, i have no where to put my stuff, i dont know where my clothes are. im fed up of waiting for this man, or fixing this laptop or doing anything. Rant over. Soz Boz.
|
|
| What a lovely day |
[23 Aug 2008|06:28pm] |
|
Today was just a lovely lovely day. Andy came and got me in his mini, its orange. We drove to oriental express and had some munch and then we had some ice cream. Andy paid which was a lovely treat really. Then he got me a calipo. Swoon. Anyway, we drove round for a bit in the mini and people kept beeping at us and waving because it was an old orange mini, we loved it. Then we decided i neeed to pimp my car and went everywhere to get zebra car seat covers ( which i had ordered online but they were out of stock and pending) anyway, couldnt get any so ended up with pink ones and some dice and some stickers and a freshner for £50 because the man thought i was sweet. Mwahahaha. We also went in the car wash which was dead dead scary because we didnt know if the mini could take it but it could, like a trooper. Anyway, andy left and my dad rolled up in my car. He was excited as me so we fitted the car covers and dice and stickers and what not even though mum had said we couldnt until they had left. The car is a proper princess mobile now!! I luff it. Its a cutie. Now im making lots and lots of mix cd's for it with great joy. Its going to be the best car in the world, oh yes it is!!!! Yesterday was also lovely i might add.
|
|
| Hmmmm |
[20 Aug 2008|10:29am] |
|
Last night in the pub someone who i havent seen or really spoken to in ages took me to one side and said " This is my mobile number, promise me when you get sad, which i know you will do, you will ring me". It made me smile. I like knowing i have alot of friends. The other day andy said to me " Oh by the way, we are coming round on christmas day, going do dinner with you, its all arranged just be awake". My parents moving out of the country isnt really going to effect me that much, im close to my mum but i have the phone and internet for that. Im worried as to how it will effect my baby brothers. Anyway im sure more africa/maleria/legal guardian rants will come this way. Adios
|
|
| Hmmm.... |
[17 Aug 2008|08:46pm] |
|
One day can change your life. One day can ruin your life. All life is is just three or four big days that change everything. Yes, i agree.
|
|
| WELLLLLAAARRRDDDD |
[15 Aug 2008|08:22pm] |
|
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PLLLLEEAASEEEE DDDOONNNNTT DDDDIIIIEEEEE
|
|
| Really not... |
[05 Aug 2008|09:57pm] |
|
... feeling to good recently. Im really poorly at the moment, cant hold my food down or anything. Im shattered. My family are going to Africa, Uni is about to start again. I am commuting to Lincoln and i dont want too. I love my job but i hate it. My back hurts and i cant do anything to whine!
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
kisspinkhearts's journal